[Late August 1945]
It's been three months ever since Vadim went back to Moscow. He still worked in Alexandrov Ensemble, as a domra player at the right wing. His duty still went usual - following rehearsal, reading music score, tune the music, and perform well in the concert. And right now, he is practicing his domra plucking, matched with Stepan's double bass playing at the background.
Though this time... he secretly has another schedule to do; regular therapy and drank the medicine. He remembered to immediately signed up at June, when knowing the nearest hospital has opened the program: to heal every traumatised soldier. Then after consulting in two sessions... Vadim now know he has schizophrenia. The voices that following him since he was still a teenager, and worsen into hallucination of Wilhelm accompanied him till Riga... it has a name. And thankfully, there's still a way to grasp more reality. Even if... the path will be eternal.
Oh well, for now... the music, the gossips and laughter, and Alexander Alexandrov's instruction speaks louder than the strange voices. Vadim also can sleep better for this week, although this doesn't meant he shall stop the healing so soon...
"Vadik..." called someone from the door. Vadim just taking a rest from practicing and wanting to reminisce his daily life again. He is putting down his domra to the case, and finding a dark-brown haired woman approaching him with shame.
"Tanya, is there anything I can help?"
"You really... came back."
Vadim tilted his head, totally confused, "Of course I am. Why do you say that?"
"I was worrying about you. And I want to say sorry for everything... but only now I am brave enough to do it," admitted Tatiana in regret.
"...Huh? Why would you say sorry? You didn't do anything wrong."
"To not brave enough to say no to my parents. That I should have against the arranged marriage. In truth... I'm always in love with you. And I already dislike him, from his bootlicking attitude to my father," the revelation confused Vadim more. It seems like a dream come true. But... this is too good to be true. He still remembered well the fact he knew before war happens.
"...You realized you say that while already married your husband, right?"
"Ex husband, more precisely," corrected Tatiana.
"WHAT?!"
"I divorced him two years ago. My father and I helped him to avoid to go to war by forging some documents. But much months later, I found him shaking his ass with one costume crew, a young woman from suburbs. I beat him till he almost unconscious, then filed the divorce. My parents finally believed that he is up to no good."
Vadim rubbed his eyes and look at Tatiana again. Then he look at Stepan who was just beside him. Maybe this is part of his hallucination again, one of his tests during the therapy...
"Stiva, did you hear that?" Vadim asked while poking Stepan's shoulder. That blond Yakutian was just finished polishing his bow with resin, and he now look at Tatiana and Vadim in amusement.
"Eh? You didn't know- oh right! You were in Group 1 to the Western Front. Just you know... Tanya's husband was really an ass. It happened while us Group 4 performed in the theatre. Well, our usual schedule to entertain Vozhd. Many witnessed it because her husband had audacity to did it in costume room. Finally the girl got fired, and Tanya's husband sent to the front after the divorce. Never came back till now," Stepan shrugged while waving at Tatiana, "Good job, milady. You deserve someone better anyway. Maybe like Vadim? hahaha!"
But of course, Vadim still doesn't believe it. Maybe he also hallucinate Stepan and Tatiana talking casually. Still too good to be true. But he finally decided to be honest. He stood up and gestured to the main door.
"Let's talk somewhere quieter, Tanya."
====
"...Schizophrenia?" puzzled Tatiana as he heard Vadim's confession and explanation.
"True. And I've been in therapy since a month ago. Will visit once in two weeks, too," admitted Vadim. He took out the small glass bottle from his trousers' pocket and showed it to Tatiana. "Lots of pills. Talking the root of my illness. Trying to document everything so I slowly see the reality better. Everything I will do, so I don't have to hear my shitty dad screaming at me everyday."
"You could have been lying to me. Trying to work on yourself alone, and brushed me off. Trying to lie that you cannot forgive me. But... you choose to be honest," Tatiana's smile turn sad, although she doesn't look disappointed.
"Because I loved you too much. I don't want my illness hurt you. Meanwhile... you still have better marriage with someone else," sighed Vadim.
"Then bring me to that therapist."
"Ah...?"
"I should learn to know how to take care someone like you. I bet the therapist will be agree," assured Tatiana, who later hold Vadim's hands tenderly. "We don't have to get married soon. You can continue with the healing. But please... let me be part of your reality."
Vadim inhaled deeply. He gazed on Tatiana with full of hope. The holding hands slowly become a gentle hug.
"Yes. Let me set you as my anchor, too."