"Why do you stayed alive, yet he didn't?"
The question struck Anatoli when he still hugging his red haired fiancée at train station. But the words do not come from her. It was from a blond woman who stood before them two.
"I... don't know..." answered Anatoli as he gripped his fiancée's back.
Oleg's fiancée narrowed her eyes, still continued to berate, "You could have saved him! Bring him quickly to the medic! I bet you are just coward who just standing and watch him died!"
"No... I can't..."
"Valya! How dare you!" Anatoli's fiancée released her hug and start to confront, but Oleg's fiancée slap her own friend.
"You can say like that because your coward fiancé survived! What about me, Margosha?! I have patiently waited for years! And now my life ruined thanks to him! I hope you all will die soon! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU ANYMORE!!!!"
Anatoli immediately pulled his fiancée away as they see Oleg's fiancée start to claw at them. Thankfully she was pulled by other people who watched the argument. So Anatoli and his fiancée can getting out of the train station and went back to home.
===
"He's gone. Truly gone," Anatoli opened up when they are in their communal. "He stepped on landmine when we charged in Odessa around December 1941. I ran just behind him... and he already turn into chunks of meat as I blinked..."
His fiancée didn't say anything. She kept massaging Anatoli without pause. Anatoli continued, "I know I am coward. I should have saved him. Maybe Valya was right... I could have been pulling him and-"
The grip on his shoulder tightens as his fiancée cut the sentence, "If you are coward, you would kill yourself soon. Won't care to tell Olya's death to us in person. And letting us wondered, only know your fate after the missing list turned into death list."
"But... I made our friendship severed forever. You were already thought of her as sister..."
"I still grieved on that, too. But... if staying friend with her cost my beloved... it means I am ungrateful. I am not a cruel person, Tolik."
For now, the peace temporarily resided between them two.
===
However, the peace wasn't go after two months passed. Anatoli found himself immediately fainting, whenever he passed by the butcher shop. Or accompanying his fiancée to buy meat at wet market. He still able to eat the stew or shaslik, though. Just... don't want to see raw meat anymore.
Later, Anatoli become slower to memorise songs than everyone, despite his bass voice still melodious. Anatoli start to feel humiliated... Even if nobody ever chastised him for his declined ability.
And the worst thing led to Anatoli's breaking point... anonymous letters came to the communal inbox, filled with death threats daily. The same thing that uttered by Oleg's fiancée. Of course it's her, thought Anatoli. The frequent double date, party celebration and normal hangout in the past... sometimes happened in Anatoli's communal. Of course she knows his address. Moreover her position in military base as part of soldier, made her able to send the letters anonymously.
Anatoli could have just reported it. The proofs are strong. The writings are certainly led to one person...
At the same time, he remembered the past. To remember how Oleg doted his fiancée so much during the double date. He can understand her grief too. Yet...
Finally, Anatoli chose to quit from the ensemble in early August 1945. Telling Alexandrov about his plan for taking care his family at Pskov and start some solo career. Alexandrov nodded, granted his departure. Without further ado, Anatoli then brought his fiancée to his hometown. Leaving everything behind without notice, so Oleg's fiancée doesn't know they have gone. Some of ensemble artists do know the truth. Dmitry, Fyodor, Ivan, Vadim, Stepan, Andrei and Semyon have promised Anatoli to keep the secret.
At Pskov, Anatoli married his fiancée. His family was very open and welcoming, as usual. When knowing Anatoli's struggle and trauma later, the family made the adjustment to keep him calm; he shall be in another room when the family cooking some meat. Anatoli wished he could help... which usually ended up become onion peeler.
But at least, Anatoli can settle his mind better. He starts opening private vocal class by November 1945. Teaching the amateurs and kids to be confident in singing. All of wisdom he ever received from Oleg now passed down, though he won't mention the original source to the curious students.
Only once he visited Moscow again, too. That's when he received news of Alexandrov's funeral at June 1946 through Dmitry's phone call. Then he staying at Dmitry's communal just for three days. Enough to visit the funeral, sharing a bit of his life to his friends, and go back to Pskov by the fourth day.
Years passed again. No anonymous letters ever come to him after settled in Pskov. So, his guilt can be set aside forever.