[May 1936]
My eyes snapped open; I realised I had woken up in yet another unfamiliar place. I was in a train compartment, with three idiots I loved all still asleep. Dmitry and Vadim are leaning to each other across me. And the bald man Vasily had even brazenly propped his feet onto my lap, his head resting against the compartment window.
"You yokel," I shook my head toward Vasily. I slowly rose from the compartment seat, took Alexei's diary book from the backpack and stepped out to compose myself.
I found myself in the sixth carriage. Gazing out the window on the right side, while also reading what I've been missed for two weeks in the diary. My reflection was faintly visible in the glass, forcing me to reluctantly admit that I was beginning to hate the face staring back at me. It was a face so innocent, suggesting a respectable upbringing. It was the face of a dutiful Soviet youth, utterly unsuited to someone like me, who actually longed to escape this land of iron. My face ought to have been one of angry villain, not this guileless visage.
"All alone or not, dude?" asked a red-haired chubby man who suddenly appeared at my left. Ah, it was Semyon.
"Of course, Sema. Did you suffer a concussion and can't see in front of you?" I asked with a laugh.
Semyon laughed, then touched my shoulder and said, "But it’s true, isn’t it? You aren’t actually alone. There’s me! There’s Lyosha, sleeping inside this body! Even if nobody's around, Lyosha will always be with you wherever you go, even while his soul is asleep."
"You say that as if I’m going to die along with him someday. It’s really annoying," I spoke snidely.
"It’s a certain. I can’t lie to you," Semyon replied curtly, his face serious, though he soon smiled as if trying to reassure me. I sighed, then turned back to look at Semyon.
"Then, what is death like for a parasite like me? Is it the same as for humans? Where they close their eyes and breathe their last? Or is it a death scream as my breath struggles to escape?" I asked in a weak voice. It was only with Semyon that I could let my voice sound so frail, so pained. For a long time, I have struggled to deal with every bad memories Alexei shoved to my head. I wish I could scream it all to anyone include Alexei. But I can't do it. I will lay dormant in this body if Alexei wakes up.
"I don't know that specific death. Even though I’ve witnessed countless deaths from humans, wizards, Slavic creatures... I will never know what death is like for a split soul," Semyon admitted. Closing my eyes was the last thing I could manage as I turned my face away from him. "Don't be so troubled, Vitya... Vitaly," Semyon continued in a soothing tone. "Death is certainly something to worry about. But there is something even more crucial to consider: how you survive, and how you ensure your final chapter unfolds in peace and tranquility."
Vitaly. This chubby man was calling my real name. Or rather, the alternative name I used while inhabiting this body. For some reason, this soothes the unease I have long harbored. After all, I still desire to see the ambition I’ve held since childhood come to fruition.
***
Actually, my meeting with Semyon is awkward, when first time working in the ensemble at 1935. It happened three days after I wake up, and adapt myself in the ensemble for second time. I was holding a knife and fork, eating roast meat while sitting across from that red-haired man. I know his name is Semyon from bayan section, from the diary entry that Alexei wrote. He broke into a wide grin the moment he saw me, as if we were old acquaintances.
"Good afternoon, young man. What’s your name?" he asked. I didn't answer, at first. Maybe Semyon just teasing me. Strangely, he didn't get upset. He just went on, "I just want to reintroduce myself; my name is Semyon Isayev. Because it feels like I am not facing Alexei, or Lyosha in exact!"
I stared at him in disbelief. How did he know that I am not truly Alexei? "I know what's on your mind, friend. But I’m not going to ask you too much for now. I need to know your name first, behind that Alexei."
"...Vitaly Bodenko. Nice to meet you," I replied in a low voice, deciding to try and get closer to this man. We shook hands secretly. I made sure no one was hearing me.
"How have your days been lately, Vitya?" Semyon asked.
"The same as before, Semyon... I-"
"No, no. Don't call me Semyon. Just call me Sema already, alright?" Semyon interjected. I nodded in understanding.
"Yeah, I don't have a clue yet. I have to read Lyosha's diary first." Then I narrowed my eyes onto Semyon, "Since you're the only one who knows I'm a parasite living off Lyosha... Do you plan to report this to Lyosha? Or leak it to other ensemble members?"
Semyon laughed at my question for quite a while. It's long enough to annoy me, until I finally clapped my hands together to make him stop.
"Why would I report you? As long you are truly helping your Lyosha, work professionally in the ensemble and not causing havoc. For now, I just see you as more friend to be invited for party!" joshed Semyon.
I gritted my teeth as Semyon just answered so simply. Oh well, regarding to Alexei's diary, Semyon is a jokester who just love to connect everything with witchcraft. So... I just think Semyon's way to knowing me is through black magic.
Huh, if he met Alexei's family, he would be already nailed on the cross, haha... But I decided to trust Semyon from now on. He seems more knowledgeable than other members in here.
***
"And you’re still choosing not to be honest to anyone, Vitya?" Semyon asked suddenly. I blinked, realising I had been lost in thought again.
"What for? It’s none of your business," I retorted.
Semyon sighed. "I know that’s your choice. Though, if I may offer some advice: one day, your very habit will kill you, because I see your view with Lyosha's started to drift apart."
I shook my head firmly. "How many times do I have to tell you, Sema? I cannot just tell anyone like it's an afternoon tea gossip! I killed Lyosha's parents! He believed his toxic sister's lies and caused me abandoned my Dasha! And I should have warned him to cut off contact with that sister?! Anyone who hears that will still sees this body as an insane Alexei, and I will be arrested! And Lyosha... he will shove more bad memories to me, and pretend to be innocent man again!" I glared at Semyon. "Whose side are you actually on, Sema?! Mine or him? You advised me to get close to everyone, so Lyosha has more good memories to help me merged with him. And now you’re telling me to just be honest?! Your attitude baffles me so much!"
"I’m neutral, Vitya. I just worry for both of you and Lyosha's wellbeing. Even now you’re lashing out to cope with your pain," Semyon said calmly, his face is expressionless. I gritted my teeth again. If only he didn't using any black magic to read my mind...
Semyon then pulled a bottle of vodka from his coat pocket and held it out to me. I downed the contents without a word of thanks. I handed it back, still silent. Semyon smiled. "You look better now."
My eyes caught movement on the left side of the train car. Ah, someone was waking up. "I'd better go back to the compartment," I said briefly. Semyon gave me a broad grin and a wink.
"I admit, you aren't actually a bad person, Vitya. You're just misunderstood. But you also need to be honest and understand how others feel, so that they can understand you, too."
As he spoke these words, Semyon left the compartment to join the bayanists inside. Then another compartment door opened, and a young man with straight black hair appeared, looking at me in confusion.
"Lyosha, so here you are!" Dmitry called. I rolled my eyes, itching to tell him that the person standing before him was Vitaly. I almost want to do what Semyon told... but I shook my head.
"Sorry, I just need some fresh air, Dima. The long journey in this train sickens me," I averted my gaze and stare back onto the window. "Was Vadik and Vasya still asleep?"
"Still. They also start snoring too loud. So I get out and wait till they wake up," Dmitry huffed in annoyance, then I see him now also leaning to the window and look outside. I thought he won't speak anymore... until suddenly he chuckled at himself, "To be fair... I also drooled at Vadik's tunic. I hope the drool island quickly dried, before he found it created on his chest, hehe~"
Oh Dima, my dear Dima....
Though weirdly, I finally calmed down. To think again, spending time with Dima was actually better, even if I have to use Alexei's name. Semyon was just being paranoid.