[December 1939]
Vadim's blue eyes are scanning deeper today. But it wasn't looking at the music score, or Alexandrov's baton, or even the strings on his domra. He specifically scanning on his best friend from brass section. The shifted attitude, and different crook on the smiles. The vile voices from his father are still there... but Alexei's vacant glare turn into vacant cheerful eyes now frighten Vadim more than ever.
This is the same thing him, Vasily, and Dmitry directly witness after that feast, thought Vadim. Something he has been noticing in the middle of rehearsal or hangout, but kept brushing off since four years ago.
And yet... it seems Alexei's situation worsen.
This is not just someone's feeling went up and down. But how could he just noticed it by now? How could he help Alexei to remove that vacant glare and the downer feeling forever?
===
Lunch time arrived, but the choir section must stayed inside the hall as there are additional training for a new song. Therefore, only the orchestra players who can get out of the hall to take a break. Vadim could see Alexei approached him with the beamed smile.
"As usual, let's save the portion for Dima and Vasya first!" invited Alexei. Vadim nodded in silence.
They went to the cafeteria. Vadim sat down between two chairs and stretch his legs as usual to save Alexei's seat. Then Alexei went to the food area, picking four tray, filling the food four times than normal portion, and carefully walk to the table. At there, Vadim will divide the food into four parts, and placed the divided food to the empty trays. Only after that, Vadim and Alexei continued to eat while waiting for Dmitry and Vasily arrived.
"By the way... Lyosha. There's something I want to ask," Vadim opened the conversation after he munched the sixth scoop, "Do you ever felt time around you flies too fast?"
Alexei paused his munch, and he hummed, "Yeah. A lot. I felt upset, actually. Because there are times I was feeling happy or angry at one room... and suddenly I'm already feeling confused in another room. One day I am alone, another day I'm surrounded with you..."
Vadim listened to Alexei attentively, while ignoring the vile voices once again. Till finally Alexei tilted his head.
"So why do you asked, Vadik?"
"I am concerned with your situation, lately. You keep asking us what day is today, as if you lost your memory. And sometimes, your bad mood whenever we are hanging out worried me."
"Ah, really? I really did bad..." Alexei now also looked guilty. "Thanks to telling me that, Vadik. I... I will be better, I promise. I can't ruin everything just because I feel a bit angry or sad-"
"...Lyosha" Vadim cut Alexei's fretted words. The curly-haired man blinked and stared at Vadim's serious gaze.
"...Sorry."
"For now, what steps you will taking to reduce your bad moods?"
Alexei closed his eyes, thinking for a while. "Usually I reread my diary entries that I wrote whenever I feel time around me flies too fast and I felt the surge of anger inside... Then I wrote it again to make sure I improve. But it seems not working too much..."
"It's already good, but not enough. I suggest you need to work on your breathing and your sight, too." Vadim's suggestion made Alexei raised his eyebrows, led to Vadim explaining further, "You see, whenever my shitty dad screaming inside my mind till I almost think he was here, I usually take deep breath many times. Then see around the room. Look at every stuff available in that room. Force yourself to talk with anyone, even if Maestro will throw his baton to you and call you doldonit. The point is... you need to fight that sudden feeling lost in time."
Now his blue eyes could see Alexei was looking more determined and relieved at the same time. Moreover, that curly-haired man gripped Vadim's hand and uttered, "Thank you for your help. I will do it for everyone's sake, too."
Not long after that, Vadim and Alexei sees the choir artists entering the cafeteria a bit late. Tired Dmitry and Vasily was one of them, and they waved at Vadim and Alexei who quickly pat the empty chairs and put the food tray.
"Thanks to save the lunch for us, guys," thanked Dmitry and Vasily as they sat down and quickly eat the provided food, not knowing what has been Vadim and Alexei talking about minutes ago.